Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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