I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
