For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There's always time for handjobs
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
