if you like me you must not know who I am
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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