i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize