I'm really into asian looking animals
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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