Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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