can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
