Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
