Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
