oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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