Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
