well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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