I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
