he wants to bone in the snuggie
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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