Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
