the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
honey bunches of taint.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
