Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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