nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
