I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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