: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
