On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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