Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
