And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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