Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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