My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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