How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
