1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
