My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
