I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
