So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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