I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
