around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
