morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
