is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
