Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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