i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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