pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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