he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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