turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
