You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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