I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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