its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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