Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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