i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
