so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
