just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
