I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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