One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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