i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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