Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
