its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
