You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
