So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
