I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
