i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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