I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
