dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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