eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
