id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
