Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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