I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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