I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
