I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
