So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My hand turned me down
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
