You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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