all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize