when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
