Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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