It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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