I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize