Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
