What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just gargled with NyQuil
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
