I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize