Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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