Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
