Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
