i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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