Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
