Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
