I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
