We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize