I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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