you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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