Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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