Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
