You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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