the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
