Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
