Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
