also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
