I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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