I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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