In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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