hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it was like eating out sand paper
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
