and she was petting her beer can
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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