She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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