i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
