Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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