Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
