I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
