Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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