my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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